|How do blonde
How do you brainwash a blonde?
How do you change a blonde's mind?
How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
How do you get a blonde pregnant?
How do you get a blonde to marry you?
How does a blonde kill a fish?
There's a blonde going to London on a plane, how
can you steal her window seat?
How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
How does a blonde hold her liquor?
How does a blonde moonwalk?
What do you call a blonde mother-in-law?
Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?
Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
What do blondes do for foreplay?
What's the mating call of the blonde?
What is foreplay for a blonde?
What's the difference between a blonde and a broom
What's the difference between a blonde and a phone
What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in
What did the blonde say when she knocked over
the priceless Ming vase?
How does a blonde commit suicide?
How do you plant dope?
Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a
How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
How does the blond turn on the light after she has
How does a blonde get pregnant?
How does a blonde part their hair?
How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
How does a blonde like her eggs?
How do you drown a blond?
How do you tell if a blonde did your
How does a blonde high-5?
How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by
What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar
and a skinny blonde?
What's the difference between a chorus line of
blondes and a magician?
What is the best blonde secretary in the
world to have?
What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
Why doesn't a blondes guts fall out of her twat
when she stands?
What's the difference between having sex with a
blonde and eating Jell-o?
What do you get when you cross a blonde and a
Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
She was having sunny periods.
What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
Her feet! How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
When she farts, her knees bag.
What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
How is a blonde like a frying pan?
You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A 69 interrupted by a period.
How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ?
Tell them a joke on Friday night !
How do you describe the perfect blonde?
3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
How do you confuse a blonde?
You don't. They're born that way.
Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
They're too hard to peel.
How do you drive a blonde crazy?
Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.
How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
For throwing out the W's.
Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
To keep her ankles warm.
How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.
What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
Way to go team!
How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
By the chipped tooth.
How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
(I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
To keep from bruising their ears.
Why do blondes have vaginas?
So guys will talk to them at parties.
Why does the blonde stand in front of a window during a thunder storm?
She loves taking pictures (flashes, got it?).
What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"
"No, I just lie there."
What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?
What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
"Space. The final frontier......"
How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals team?
Just One... Boomer Esiason.
What's brown and red and black and blue?
A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?
You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.
Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
She fell out of the tree.
How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
She didn't know what ONE came first...
Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.
How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.
How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
She threw it off a cliff.
How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
How did the blonde die drinking milk?
The cow fell on her.
How did the blonde burn her nose?
Bobbing for french fries.
How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
There's white-out on the screen.
How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
There's writing on the white-out.
What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to punch information into a computer once.
What did the blonde think of the new computer?
She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9...
How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.
How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
By the buckle print on her forehead.
How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead!
How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
She has a checkbook.
How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
There is a stamp on it.
How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
The blonde has the higher sperm count.
What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.
What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a blonde track team?
The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.
What is the difference between a crazy fighting hockey player and a blonde?
He is fussy by nature and would go to any length to get a puck.
What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.
What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
The prostitute says "Aren't you done yet?" The nympho says "Are you done already?" The blonde says "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
Your job still sucks after 6 months.
What's the difference between a blonde having her period and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
What is the difference between a blond and a toilet?
A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.
What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."
What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
Not everybody has been in a limo.
What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke.
What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.
What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
You can park in the handicap zone.
Why is a blonde like a turtle?
They both get fucked up when they're on their back.
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
They're doing research on black holes.
Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
So she can have a doggie bag for later.
Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
Why do men like blonde jokes??
Because they can understand them.
Why do blondes like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.
Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!
Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
From eating with forks.
Why do blondes have more fun?
They are easier to keep amused.
Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
Because you don't have to marry them for sex!
Why do blondes have legs?
To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
Why do blondes drive BMWs?
Because they can spell it.
Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
Why do blondes have periods? T
hey deserve them
Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
From dating blonde men.
Why do blondes wear tampons?
Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too.
Why do blondes drive VW's
Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!
Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
To cover up the valve stem.
Why do blonds have square boobs?
Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
Why do Blondes take the pill?
Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
Toes go in first.
Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
Tits go in front.
Why do blondes like tilt steering?
More head room.
Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
More leg room.
Why do blonds have orgasms ?
So they know when to stop having sex !
Why do blondes wear underwear?
They make good ankle warmers.
Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
Because red means stop.
Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Why do blondes wear their hair up?
To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
Why don't blondes double recipes?
The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".
Why don't blondes eat bananas?
They can't find the zipper.
Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
Cause their balls show!
Why don't blonds breast feed?
Because they always burn their niples.
Why don't blondes use vibrators?
They chip their teeth.
Why don't blondes eat Jello?
They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
Why don't blondes eat pickles?
Because they can't get their head in the jar.
What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
Opens the car door.
What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde?
What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate before having sex?
Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? "
What's a lightbulb?"
What's a blonde's favourite wine?
"Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"
What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
Not everyone has been in a 747
What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
A brunette with bad breath.
Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blonde said "These look like deer tracks," and the other one said, "No they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.
I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting. She told me she didn't know how to cook them.
This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull your finger out, I'll sink?"
A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test." "Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy. "Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter. The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!" "That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..."
Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book called "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopaedia...
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
Did you hear about the blonde who: had more on her body than on her mind? was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean? took an hour to cook Minute Rice? got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up? was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient? had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs? thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates? was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a crazy cat? after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls? went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker? brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger: Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked! Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender: Brunette: "I'll have a B and C." Bartender:"What is a B and C?". Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke." Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T." Bartender: "What's a G and T?" Redhead: "Gin and tonic." Blonde: "I'll have a 15." Bartender: "What's a 15?" Blonde: "7 and 7"
Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the arrival of their first children. The 1st brunette says, "I just know I'm going to have a girl, 'cuz I conceived while I was on my back". The 2nd brunette says, "Mine's going to be a boy, 'cuz I was on top during conception". The blonde says, "Uh-oh! I'm going to have a puppy!"
There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups. The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby conceived ?" "He was on top ", she replied. "You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed. The second woman was asked the same question. "I was on top ", was the reply. "you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor. With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears. "Whats the matter ?" asked the doc. "Am I going to have puppies ?".....
Blondes... They take a lickin', and keep on... Lickin!
Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles" referred to her ears?
A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well!" and turned around an drove home. On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway. "Miss, may I see your driver's licence please?" "Driver's licence? What's that?..." "It's a little card with your picture on it." "Oh, duh! Here it is..." "May I have your car insurance?" "What's that?..." "It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car." "Oh this? Duh! Here you go..." The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde exclaims:"Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!"
There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.
Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those arn't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.
The blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her. Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about the birds and the bees and the blonde said: "No ma. I can fuck and suck with the best of them. But he says I can't cook"
At a carwash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out at the same time. A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes off, leaving its owner rather perplexed. About three minutes later, she reappears at the car wash yelling, "who ripped off my car phone!"